Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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