were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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