you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
try to milk me bitch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
