Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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