Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
