Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
