I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
