your thong is hanging out like whoa
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
