By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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