I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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