Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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