I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
