Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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