May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
