That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
