They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
