the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
