New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
