Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Randomize
