Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
