Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
