i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
