The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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