I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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