Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
