if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All the doctor said was why
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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