i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
