I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
