I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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