i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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