Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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