I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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