I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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