my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
