This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
