I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
