it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
