I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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