There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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