He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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