I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
