i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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