I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
