You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
