we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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