Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
