are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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