it wasn't lemon gatorade
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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