It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
