yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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